The Aftermath
by NoMangaOrAnimeEqualsDead
Summary: The humor, RETURNS! Remember "Ways to Get Out of Doing Paperwork"? Well this is the humorous/possibly romantic continuation! Mini stories! Dont understand? Go read "Ways...-work" then! Permanently discontinued.
1. The 7th Way

**Kaida-chan owns nothing... T-T *shakes fist at the cow author* XD jk**

The Aftermath

#7

*groan* "What happened?" Roy muttered as he woke up.

"I shot you" an emotionless voice stated. It seemed to be coming from Riza's desk.

Of course when the voice said "I shot you", he immediately went on damage control check. Thankfully there were no extra holes in him. "What time is it?"

"Half past 12"

"Great just in time for lunch"

"Midnight. Sir, you've been knocked out since 9:00 this morning. I had to do your paperwork…"

"Oh…"

"Yeah."

"Ne, Riza, I actually thought you shot me there. My whole life passed by my eyes, half of it was scary, the other half was really pleas-"

"I don't want to hear it" Riza said coldly.

"Riza you sound mad… Why?"

"I'm not mad sir"

"Then why is your tone so cold and clipped?"

"I'm tired and I want to go home and feed Hayate."

"Well that may be one reason, but I've known you for a looong time. I know when you're pissed at me. What did I do?

"You really wanna know?

"Yes

"Fine. You're an egotistical **moron** who flirts left and right, not caring AT ALL for the broken hearts you leave! Would you like me to continue?"

Every insult to him was a new sword being stabbed in. He simply nodded; she seemed to have a lot of pent up anger, especially since she practically DRAGGED him to the shooting range where after every shot (hit its mark) she yelled an insult.

"You're a LAZY!" **BANG!** "INCOMPETENT!" **BANG!** " JERK!" **BANG!** "Who doesn't do his PAPERWORK!" **BANG!** "You're USELESS!" **BANG!** "In the freaking RAIN!" **BANG!**

"Chui. Stop. I get it." He said; he'd had enough. This was just torture. It wasn't like hell, he was ready to die, Riza could shoot him 20x over and he wouldn't be able to feel it.

"And you know what else? I can't stand the fact that I actually fell in LOVE with you and am STILL in love with YOU!"

Roy was shocked. She was on a rampage sure, but to lose control of her thoughts? And not realize it? _"Well this is a new one… Not that I entirely mind…_" He thought as he raised his eyebrow. He stepped closer as she fired her clip into the newest target. When she put her gun down to reload, that's when he pounced…

"Riza I love you too…" He said truthfully.

Her gun clattered to the ground closely followed by the unloaded clip.

_~Owari~_ well for this chapter 9 more to go!

Hmm... that wasn't entirely humorous... Grr... School's sapped the humor out of me! NOOOO! *dies* jk~ *winks* theres my humor! XD anyway sorry for not posting this a couple months ago ^^' school kinda... blew up with projects and homework so to speak... ^^' overload basically. and then other stuff happened. and emotional issues. and denial problems. and. yea... aaanyway, i'm kinda still writing the next chapter ^^' i'm trying really hard to finish this so i can update more regularly. but... sigh.. BTW look up this song (waay off topic and wrong anime... XD) Jyugoya Kuraishisu (Kimi ni Atai) i'm obsessed with this song (not just cuz its DC) its pretty, but the shortened version, yea i kinda just die every time i hear it XD *shinichi kudo fan* so ja ne! review with opinions and ways to help! thanks!


	2. The 3rd Way

**I STILL do not own anything from FMA. Oi! Cow-author-mangaka person! I thought the bribes would work! Where's the paperwork? - I'm back~ for now... I'll explain everything after the chapter.**

~The Aftermath~

#3

"Colonel… I'm tired of all this paperwork…" Havoc moaned as he lit another cigarette.

"Not my concern" Roy responded emotionlessly. He was leaning back in his chair staring at the ceiling.

"What if we ran away?" Fuery said jokingly.

"I. LOVE. THAT. IDEA!" Havoc shouted.

"You do realize you won't get paid right?" Roy said. It fell on deaf ears though.

"Falman! How much leave time do we have?" the happy smoker yelled.

"Zero."

"I thought we had more!" Fuery complained.

"We did, until that whole Barry incident, and then we forgot to turn in the paperwork for more leave…"

"Falman, you deserve a rest, so… You're running away with us!"

"Wonderful…" came the sarcastic reply.

"Why did I get stuck with idiots like these?" Roy thought.

"Because you're just as stupid Sir." Riza said as she walked in with (guess what?) more paperwork.

Roy groaned and lay his head down. "Thanks for the vote of confidence Chui…" he mumbled. "Wish I were as carefree as those idiots…"

"It's called your pride Sir." Riza answered, reading his mind once again.

"Leave me alone to wallow in my self pity" Roy moaned as he put his head back down for a long nap.

"Whatever you say Sir." Riza smirked.

"Colonel Mustang, Sir!" Breda said.

"Yes? I assume you want to run away too?"

"Uh no Sir, I was going to tell you they left already. The Lieutenant is chasing after them now. She told me to tell you to finish half your paperwork by the time she gets back or else…"

"Wonderful… More to add to my living hell…"

"Sir?"

"Breda… How can I lose my pride?"

… Later...

Riza came back to Roy doing the Chicken Dance while wearing a hula outfit, needless to say, no one's day went that well afterwards…

_Owari_!

**Okedoke. PLEASE READ FOR INFO ON FURTHER CHAPTERS! So i'm kinda sorta lazy, and i haven't exactly written/typed the rest of the chapters... soooooo... i'm asking YOU the READER to help out! you review and give me ideas for rules i havent posted mini stories on and this story will be coming along faster! YOU CAN STOP READING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ UPDATES ON MY NORMAL (not really) LIFE! XD i'm such a wacko XP ok so the usual update! recently-to-when i stopped logging in cuz of school XP i watched Hetalia (both seasons) love the show, especially Japan and MUST BECOME ONE WITH MOTHER RUSSIA! -i really will if someone doesn't slap some sense into me- umm... school's almost over, just gotta deal with finals and crap. lets see... i'll be gone for the 2nd week of june on a trip (which i will be writing stories to keep the angry reading fishies from eating me alive! :O ) and i went to my first Con in late march! i was soooo happy! cosplayed as Hinata! so fun! and i got attacked by friends who wanted to put makeup on me XP -not a happy camper- but it was. AMAZING. my anime club hosted a karaoke panel there! and we hosted a dubbing panel too! i laughed so hard XD oh! and then we (well the remaining anime ppls -about 5 ppl who little by little abandoned me and the prez-) did a trivia thingie! the prez and i are horrible betters XP we have decided to never go gambling. EVER. oh and this week is the last club meeting T-T sadness... BUT! We going to... A RAMEN SHOP! WOOO! love my school ^^ its right across from it :DD about 2 weeks ago in club we just lost it. idk how many times my friend was carried around princess-like. then i got picked up by her and was LITERALLY passed around XD it was fun, til the supervisor walked in to the room and saw us acting like wackos XD *hums something from lemonade mouth as walks away***

**Love you my dear readers! REVIEW! plz? i need ideas! although i guess i should be happy if you at least read until this point. see? point. -arrow towards period- i'm a horrible joker XD**

**Kaida-chan~**


	3. The 5th Way

**I Kaida-chan does not own anything related to FMA. Except 2 pictures... that i drew... FML. i'm such a fail... *goes and sulks in a corner like Tamaki-senpai and grows mushrooms in the closet***

The Aftermath

KEY!

**this means thoughts  
**_this means enunciation  
_obviously this is the basic story font no?

#5

Day Zero- START

T'was the night before a huge celebration, and our dear friends of the military, well, they were doing paperwork…

"Lieutenant tomorrow's the first day of the festival honoring the military right?"

"That would be correct sir. Any other **stupid** questions you'd like to ask?" she said in a bland tone with some unheard side-comments.

"Do I have any time off?" Roy asked innocently.

"No sick leave, but you do have a day of vacation time." She replied.

"In that case; hasta la vista Riza! I shall greatly enjoy the 3 day festival!" he said jumping up and laughing proudly at his genius plan.

"Sir, you still have paperwork to do!" she yelled as he ran out of the room.

"They're for the damn festival anyway!" were the last words she heard from him that day.

Day 1- Food

"Ah, my subordinates are missing out. Such a shame." Roy said to himself as he wondered around picking up food samples as he went.

"Mister! Mister! Would you like to sign up for the raffle that will be held the day after tomorrow?"

"Of course!" Roy said gleefully, he had missed out on many chances to win free things in the past because of work, but not this time!"

Day 2- Souvenirs

"Hmm, I'm sure Breda would love this dog sculpture, after all, dogs are man's best friend!" he said before going into his speal about dogs"

Thus Roy continued his expedition for souvenirs.

Day 3- Raffles!

"Number… 1056!"

"THAT'S MEEE!" he sang before running up to claim his gift card of 100 senz at his favorite bar.

Day 4- FINISH

"I'm back my dear subordinates!"

And it was silent… Not a reply back… Exploring the room he discovered no one was there. Then he got to his desk, or what would have been his desk if there were no endless piles of paper. Walking around he saw his entire desk was covered in paper, not a single sliver of brown anyway. He heard the sound of a full clip being loaded into a gun, then the hammer being clicked and finally, felt a cold circular piece of metal being pushed into the side of his head.

"Hi Riza!" Roy said nervously with faux cheer.

"I assume you realize why I'm doing this?"

"Not a clue!"

"Stop being an idiot and do your paperwork." She said coldly. "Your subordinates are currently on a week long vacation. I on the other hand had to stay behind to make sure you finished this."

"I'll be going home to pack the-"

"Finish. The paperwork. Please." The last word had a large feeling of annoyance along with it.

"But Lieute-"

"Colonel. Do not make me ask again."

"Fine…"

"Thank you" she said with a sigh. Grabbing a stack of papers she went to her desk and started working.

"You were given an option to stay or go on vacation by the Fuhrer; weren't you Lieutenant…?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. An order is an order." Riza scoffed.

"Ok then." He replied before starting the long task ahead of him. "Hey are we allowed to go on vacation after we finish?" he said after a long silence.

"If _you_ finish, I'd assume you'll have to talk to the Fuhrer. I don't have all the answers."

**"Well you have the ones I need, even if they're scarred with memories and nightmares…" **he thought sadly.

OWARI

_Aaaand that's a wrap! XD i'm so weird... right, well... I'M SO SORRY PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEE! I BEG OF YOU! *freaking out and sobbing hysterically in a dark corner of my room* i literally just typed this chapter... i wasn't able to get anything done while i was away T-T DONT KILL MEE! I DONT NEED TO DIE YET! ok well i do but that's for a different reason actually, but still!_

**_I NEED YOU TO REVIEW AND GIVE ME IDEAS OR I WONT BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS! I NEED MOTIVATION! -Death threats have been sent and noted, they do not give me much incentive. however ideas and critique will provide the needed energy to spur this story on given that the author has almost literally had no sleep for the last week and a half-_**

_So now that my spaziness has ended... Umm... I'm back? hi? nice to see you all reading my story? idk... i'm running on sugar (THE MONSTER NEEDS SUGAR TO LIIIIIIIVE! -sorry-) and desperately need sleep. so this was actually planned out at 2AM this morning as i stared at my ceiling, around 4 i started pacing my room... it has not been a good monday... so aaaanyway... sorry about the story ending up kinda sad... like i said, no sleep for about 10 days+sugar nutrition+summer=stories with absolutely no plot and direction whatsoever... happy summer to all -its freaking hot here... so damn sunny its suffocating, there's no humidity either! which makes it so much worse... XP its sad that my room slowly rises to the low 80s by the end of the day and the blinds are closed... right spazzing i should reeeally stop talking now-_

_Kaida-chan *melts/dies of sleep deprivation/dies in of sugar overload/dies in general/etc.*_


	4. The 1st Way

The Aftermath

#1

Around 11 in the morning someone (Fuery) stumbled around with too much paperwork for Roy Mustang (it's his own damn fault-Riza) and purposely (accidentally tripped over Breda's innocently out of place foot) dropped the paperwork on Mustang's fingers. Fingertips if you want the real truth.

"Hawkeye…" Roy moaned.

"Get back to work." She responded evenly without a glance upwards.

"But my fingers really hurt! They just might be broken!"

"…"

"I think this warrants for a quick stop at the Nurse's office? See ya!" he said as he jumped out of his chair and made a run for it.

"Hold it." A stern voice said from behind the door as Riza silently put her gun back in its holster.

"Ah, and who might this young woman be at- Oh. It's you Catalina." He finished sourly.

"Riza, you know you have every right to shoot him?"

"Hn." She smirked at her friend's pissed off face.

"Don't 'hn' me! I just came by to rescue you from paperwork by offering to take you to lunch!" Catalina shot back.

"I'll go!" Mustang jumped in.

"I thought you had broken fingers sir. If that's the case then go on down to the nurse, but, you're not going to lunch with us." Riza said slyly.

"Oh that's not the case!" he immediately protested. The other men in the office had the decency to look away from their begging colonel.

"Then finish your work _sir_." She replied warningly.

"But the only hand that's hurt is my writing hand."

"Finish your paperwork sir, you're faking anyway."

"No I'm not!"

"You are. I've known you a very long time. So get back to work sir."

"…"

"You heard me. I'll be back in an hour and I expect to see your stack of paperwork, COMPLETED."

"And if I don't want to?"

"I think you know the answer to that. Fuery, Falman, you guys are in charge while I'm gone. Not this jokester under ANY circumstances." She stated while pointing to said man with "broken fingers"

The men nodded in response for fear of being shot. The door closed slowly behind her. As they leaned in their seats to make sure it fully closed the failed to see the Colonel sneak out the window to grab his gloves from his car. (Riza has 'em under lock and key in her desk and she KNOWS when you've gone through her things.)

_Click._ The door was fully closed, and the colonel gone.

"FALMAN WE'RE GONNA DIEEEEE!" Fuery freaked when he saw the lack of a certain Flame Alchemist.

"No we're not~" said Havoc placing a reassuring hand on the young man.

"HAVOC! THE LT. IS THE HAWKS-FREAKIN-EYE! WE. ARE. GOING. TO. DIEEEE." He hissed in response.

"Dude. Take a chill pill." Breda mumbled before eating more of his ham sandwich.

"I WILL NOT! NOT UNTIL THE- oh hi sir."

_SNAP_

"SIR! Oh fml… I'm gonna be murdered today. Nice knowing everyone…"

"Fuery."

"Yes sir?"

"Calm. Down." Mustang said carefully not wanting to cause more chaos.

"Ok sir." He responded before grabbing a stack of papers and going to mope in a corner.

-time lapse-

"Zzzzzz…"

"Fuery don't you dare start your hysterics again, in fact you should be preparing your instant escape from this place to avoid the Lt." Falman whispered to the shaking man.

"Reporting back for- Fuery, Falman. What happened?" Hawkeye asked sweetly.

"He fell asleep ma'am. He did sign one stack of papers though." Falman responded.

"I see. And the rest of you did your work it seems. You do realize you're free to take a break?"

The men shook their heads no.

"Then go ahead. I'd like to speak with the Colonel anyway." She said evenly.

With that, they practically bolted from the room. Meanwhile Hawkeye took out her gun, and aimed.

"Mustang. Get up." she said darkly.

He only mumbled something about alchemy.

_Click._

"Zzzzz…"

_BANG!_

A loud scream was heard throughout the building followed by an abnormal silence. The newbies who were running errands for their superiors stopped by the door in which the scream emanated from. All they heard was scribbling and the sounds of a gun being cleaned.

**Owari~**

_sigh.. finally XP i finally wrote this chapter. and i'm exhausted (creatively and physically)... i'm working on the next chapter right now. unfortunately im also writing 3 other stories that i'm desperate to finish so i can post em. SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE (late who am i kidding, its freakin past late, its completely and *continues mumbling*) **i dont own fma/fmab**__ blah blah blah. please review~ (although it doesnt deserve a review due to my crappy time management skills. _

_ok so when i meant ideas in the previous chapter i meant like what would you like to see going on in the next few chapters, or what scenario would you like to see next? or something like that. i would greatly appreciate your help~!_

_kaida-chan out *falls asleep on her keyboard*_


	5. Author's Note

Alright. So I'm very very very disappointed in myself to be posting this as I told myself I would never do this... But this fanfiction is now permanently discontinued. I cannot bring myself to complete this as I have no inspiration nor do I have the time to think up anything funny anymore. I'm very sorry to be posting this. Thank you to the few readers who took time out of their day to read this and I'm sorry if you actually did like this fiction of mine. Please look forward to other stories that will come along -weak smile- Again, really sorry.

A disappointed writer,

Kaida-chan


End file.
